The Red Swordsman Abridged
by Mataras
Summary: You all know the story of the vengeful Red Swordsman who fought alongside Kirito in the world of Aincrad. Now read the entire series in... some rather hilariously inspired short stories that take a break all of Mataras' doom and gllom. Inspired in part by SAO Abridged and Death Battle among other things. Disclaimers on all that, but the character Mataras is mine via copyright laws.
1. Aincrad Abridged

**A/N: SERIOUSLY, READ THIS PART!**

 **Okay, now that I have your attention, I want to tell people that this fanfiction is primarily three things. One, it is not meant for the average SAO fan- if you have not read the Toa of Aincrad or the Slayer of Aincrad, don't read this, because it won't be any good to you. Two, this is _not_ meant to be taken read like a regular story, unlike most of my other works. Three, it's an experiment. That's right, I don't know of anyone else on this site that has made an abridged version of their own work, but I was watching SAO Abridged and SAO in five minutes or less, and I was struck by the urge to try and make my well-received Red Swordsman series into an abridged parody type of chapter.**

 **All that being said, if you have read the afore mentioned stories, please enjoy this short (and hopefully funny) version of the Red Swordsman, Aincrad arc. Depending on how well this first one is received, I may do more. Please be nice with the reviews as I have never tried doing anything like this before, and I know it's probably is less than what you are expecting.**

 **Now, go on and laugh- either at my weird humor, or at the fact that I tried to pull this off :P**

* * *

The Red Swordsman Abridged

"Hey man, wanna join a party?" Kirito asked the stranger in red as the boss raid party dissolved to go drinking.

"You already have a teammate," he replied.

"Yeah, but I feel like less people will die if you join," Kirito answered.

"Maybe, but I kinda hate everyone and everything," the other boy replied. "So maybe joining you guys will be a bad idea."

"Or it could help you get over whatever emotional trauma you're obviously suffering from," Kirito countered. "And then maybe you'll see that life isn't so bad."

Mataras sighed and said, "Just send me the bloody invite already."

* * *

"Okay everyone!" Diabel called out as they stood before the boss' throne room. "Two thousand people have already died in this game! So our job is to beat the boss and not die!"

"Okay, that's the last sentinel," Kirito grinned. "Good work, team!"

"Hey, is Diabel gonna fight the boss on his own?" Asuna asked as the blue-haired man charged at the giant red monster.

"He's trying to steal the last attack bonus!" Kirito shouted. "Doesn't he know I'm the main character?!"

"Hey look, it's Leroy Jenkins," Mataras interjected as Diabel went flying from a sword attack courtesy of the boss monster. "Huh. Who would've seen that coming?"

"Mataras, help me!" Kirito shouted as he cradled Diabel.

"Sorry, can't do that. I still hate everything," Mataras shrugged.

"You're just gonna let him die?!" Asuna shouted.

"Hey, I'm not the one with the health potion," Mataras said as he pointed at Kirito, who was trying to force Diabel to drink one.

"This is the end…" he croaked.

"Drink the potion," Kirito insisted.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more…"

"Drink the potion!" Kirito shouted.

"Just tell my family I love them," Diabel said before he shattered.

" _Why didn't he take the potion?!_ " Kirito shouted.

"Hey, who would've seen that coming?" Mataras rolled his eyes.

"You're a jerk!" Asuna spat.

"I have been called worse. By the way, boss is coming this way." He moved to attack with Kirito, and moments later, the boss died.

* * *

The crowd cheered for them until Kibaou started throwing a hissy fit and blamed Kirito for Diabel's death.

"Can I kill him?" Mataras asked.

"No," Asuna sighed.

"Please?"

"No." Agil shook his head.

"… Pretty please?"

" _No!_ " Asuna shouted.

"Can I at least threaten him a little?" Mataras begged.

"Fine," Asuna groaned.

Suddenly Mataras was in front of Kibaou and pointing his sword at his neck. "Hi, I'm Mataras," he said. "And from now on, if I hate you, I kill you. Later." And he turned around and walked away with Kirito.

* * *

"Hey guys, wanna join our guild?" Keita asked the two boys over dinner.

"Sure!" Kirito grinned.

"Nah," Mataras shook his head.

"Come on man," his partner begged.

"No!" he shouted.

"Please?" a soft-spoken girl with dark blue hair asked.

"N- Okay, fine," the boy said in defeat.

"Just like that?" Kirito demanded. "What gives?!"

"Bite me."

* * *

"So Mataras, why did you change your mind?" Sachi asked the brooding swordsman.

"You remind me of my si- siiiiis… Sissst-"

"Are you okay?" Sachi asked worriedly.

" _Panic attack!_ " Mataras fainted.

* * *

"How did three kids get so overpowered?!" Rosalia screamed in shock.

"Pfft, we're not overpowered," Mataras snorted. Then he remembered how despite every member in Titan's Hand attacked them, he and Kirito still stood at one hundred percent HP. "Okay, maybe we're a little OP."

"Who are you people?" one man asked.

"I'm the Black Swordsman," Kirito grinned.

"And I'm the Red Swordsman," Mataras added. "And now Ima kill all of you."

"Mataras, that's not what we were hired for," Sachi told him.

"That's not what I was told!"

"Mataras, there's a kid watching!" Kirito reminded him, pointing at a very scared Silica.

"And?" the red-clothed warrior demanded. "She's probably seen more violent stuff on YouTube!"

"She's thirteen!" Kirito protested.

"This is the twenty-first century!" Mataras shot back. "Kids today see the movie '300' when they're ten! Besides, this game doesn't even have blood in it!"

"Still no!"

"I hate you sometimes."

"We know."

* * *

"So why did you save me?" Sachi asked Mataras. "I think we can talk about, seeing as we think of each other as siblings now."

"Oh, yeah," Mataras nodded. "I had a little sister who was brutally murdered in front of me. You remind me of her."

"Whoa…" Sachi said with wide eyes. "Guess that explains why you hate everything."

"No, I was just born that way," Mataras grinned. "But I guess Victoria dying made it a _little_ more noticeable. Anyways, glad we had this talk, we should do it again sometime!"

* * *

"Starburst Stream!" Kirito shouted as he charged at the Minotaur boss with his two swords in hand.

"He can use two swords?!" Asuna gaped.

"Yup, and guess what?" Mataras said as he closed his menu. "I'm a Super Saiy- I mean, er, a wielder of Dragon Blood! I'm not bound the game's laws of physics!"

"So… a Dragon Saiyan, then?" Klein asked.

"Something like that," Mataras admitted.

* * *

"Hey man, who do you think would be good girlfriend material?" Kirito asked Mataras over lunch one day.

"Are you kidding?" the Red Swordsman scoffed. "You could ask Asuna to spend the night and she'd go buy some new lingerie just for you."

"You really think so?" Kirito asked, eyes wide.

"Hey, if you like it, put a ring on it," Mataras said, eyes suddenly blazing silver.

"Right!" Kirito nodded as he stood up to go. "Priorities."

* * *

"Commander, I want to leave and get married to Kirito," Asuna said to Heathcliff.

"Well, that's all well and good, but I'd rather the Cats join the guild instead of you leaving," the leader of the KOB said. "What say you?"

"Ima kill him," Mataras declared.

" _No_!" his team shouted.

"You guys are no fun," he frowned. "Can we at least fight him?"

"Sure!" Heathcliff agreed. "Three on three?"

"Yes!" Mataras cheered.

* * *

"How did you lose?" Mataras asked Kirito.

"Hacks," Kirito answered. "Pretty sure he used hacks."

"But who could hack this world?" Mataras asked. "Unless it was-"

"Wait!" Sachi cried. "We can't tell people who it is yet!"

"Why not?" Asuna asked.

"Because then the final battle won't be as emotionally charged for the viewers! The whole thing comes apart!"

"Fine, can we do it after I kill this next guy?" Mataras sighed.

"You're not allowed to kill him, and I'm scripted to make the big reveal," Kirito said.

"That's what you think!"

* * *

"So we won, Asuna's joining the new Moonlit Black Cats, and we're getting married," Kirito said as they walked in a forest. "Any objections?"

"Nope!" Mataras and Sachi chorused.

"I do!" a nasally voice called out. A pair of Laughing Coffin members jumped out, and Mataras cut them in half.

"Like I said, no objections," Mataras grinned.

* * *

"So Asuna and Kirito got married, huh?" Sachi asked. "When did that start to happen?"

"During the two years that wasn't covered in the show," Mataras answered as he opened up a message. "Oh hey, he's already got something he can't handle on his own. Let's go take care of it."

* * *

"Uncle!" Yui said happily.

" _NO!_ " the Red Swordsman screamed as he fled for the hills.

"Uh… What?" Kirito asked.

"He's afraid of little kids," Sachi sighed.

"So he does have a weakness!" Asuna laughed. "Serves him right!"

* * *

"She lost her memory?" Mataras asked. "Man that sucks. I wonder what it would be like if I lost my memory?"

"Well, people can find out if they read Dragon Roar, you know," Sachi said.

"Oh yeah- almost forgot about that," Mataras nodded.

"Can we get back to helping Yui?" Kirito asked.

"Sure," Sachi nodded.

" _NO!_ " Mataras screamed.

* * *

"Well, we somehow ended up helping the Aincrad Liberation Force instead of your daughter," Mataras sighed. "What gives?"

"I dunno, ask Reki Kawahara," Kirito replied.

"Look guys, a Shinigami!" Asuna called out as a massive Grim Reaper appeared in the hallway.

"Oh, hey Ryuk, what's up?" Mataras asked. "Did you drop your Death Note around here?" The monster responded by scattering them like leaves. "Guess so…"

"Hacks Mode: _on!_ " Yui shouted right before she summoned a massive blade of fire and tossed it to Mataras. "Do your thing, Uncle!"

"I like this kid now," he grinned. "Can I kill it?"

"Why are you-" Kirito started to ask before Mataras cut it in half and burned it to a crisp.

"Ima kill it," he said.

"You already did," Sachi rolled her eyes.

"I know- I just like saying it."

* * *

"Heathcliff!" Mataras shouted so Kirito could stab him from behind. A purple hexagon appeared and blocked his attack.

"I knew it!" Kirito crowed. "I called hacks!"

"What are you talking about?" Heathcliff demanded.

" _Obviously_ no one but the real bad guy could ever beat me at this game," Kirito said to explain the situation to everyone. "Ever heard of plot armor, Akihiko Kayaba?"

"I commend you for discovering the truth," Heathcliff said seriously. "Now one of you will fight me!"

"Okay, Mataras you can-"

"Nah," he sniffed.

" _Why not?!_ " Everyone shouted at him.

"I don't hate everyone anymore," he answered.

"What?!" Kirito asked. "How- Why?! Whatever. Heathcliff, let's go."

Kirito tried to use the Eclipse, but Heathcliff managed to block and was about to cut his opponent in half when Mataras took the hit for his friend, blocking the sword and surprising Heathcliff into staying still for few seconds.

"Why?!" Kirito asked.

"Because… I don't… hate all of you," Mataras said before he shattered.

"What the virtual hell was tha-!" Heathcliff's question was cut off as he was stabbed by both Sachi and Kirito. "What…? I don't understand…"

"GeeGee-no-ree," Kirito replied. Heathcliff shattered and the game was cleared.

* * *

"So, why did you trap ten thousand people in this place?" Mataras asked.

"I forgot," Kayaba shrugged as he walked away. "Something to do with a childhood dream in grade school, I think." Then he was gone.

"I hate him," Mataras growled.

"We all love you, Mataras," Sachi said as she hugged her brother good-bye.

"See you all on the other side someday," he grinned. Then the world went white, and they all dissolved.

* * *

Mataras opened his eyes to see a hospital room and realize that not only was he back in the real world and not in heaven with his family, his body was so weak he couldn't fight anybody like he used to.

"I. Hate. _Everything_. …Again."

* * *

 **Mataras: Okay, so that was new...**

 **Kirito: Care to explain why you did this?**

 **Mataras: Eh, I felt like I wanted to experiment a little with my writing, and this was the result.**

 **Sachi: I think it was actually funny enough- I'm sure some of your readers will like it! And who knows, maybe some of the people that read the AN above will go check out your other stories, so they can read this once they come back.**

 **Mataras: Huh- maybe so. Yeah, that would be kind of cool.**

 **Asuna: Any announcements you wanna make before we have to go?**

 **Mataras: Ah, yes. To those of you that have been wondering why my chapters take so long, allow me to explain. One, I am working on three stories currently ongoing on this site, my second novel, and the Red Swordsman: Shattered Fragment, which I will release upon the completion of Fire Sword (so hopefully late Fall). Also, I have a secret project- being written in collaboration with JoshthePoser and Matarasisbae- which I plan to release at the beginning of next year. I will release details as the time draws closer- right now all you need to know is that the effort I'm putting into making this new story is like if I went Super Saiyan to write the first Star Sword, and the amount of effort this one takes is going to be like going Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan (seriously, they need a better name for that). Also** **, I have two jobs, so that kinda cuts down on my writing time unfortunately, but hey, if I want to get married, I gotta have them savings in time!**

 **Kirito: Man, I'd hate to be that busy!**

 **Mataras: Oh, don't get me started. Having six stories going on in your head at the same time can be painful.**

 **Sachi: Well, with all that being said, we hope you enjoyed this little experiment of my brother's, and we hope you return for more soon!**

 **Kirito: Later, guys!**

 **Mataras: Red Swordsman, signing off.**


	2. The Red Swordsman Death Battle

**A/N: Well... I think that the chapter title should make this pretty self-explanatory, but just in case, let me clear it up- this is to show people what would happen were the Toa of Aincrad and the Slayer of Aincrad were to come to blows. I know it doesn't really make sense, but hey, this is the abridged collection, so I do what I want! :D**

 **Also, unlike most of my other stories, I will be inserting suggestions for which music to listen to at certain points in time. So whenever you see parentheses pop up with a song title, go look it up before you get back to reading- or don't, either way.**

 **All that being said, go enjoy this crazy chapter that I spent almost a full month researching to decide who would win a Death Battle!**

* * *

The Red Swordsman: Death Battle

"Hey, Mataras," Kirito asked as they strolled through the new Collinia coliseum. "Got a question for you."

"Fire away," his brother said easily.

"Who do you think would win in a fight?" he asked. "The Toa of Aincrad, or the Slayer of Aincrad?"

"Hmm… That's a pretty good question, now that think about it," Mataras answered. "To be honest, I'm not really sure which version of myself would come out on top."

"That sucks," Kirito sighed. "I've been pretty curious about that lately. Too bad we don't have a way of finding out."

"Or do we?!" a gruff voice said, surprising both boys as they turned around to see a pair of men, one dressed in a blue tracksuit with a sword at his waist, and his companion dressed in red and white with a broadsword on his back.

"Uh… Who the heck are you guys?" Kirito asked them.

"Good question," the one in blue said. "Allow us to explain… See, we overheard your conversation, and as it turns out, we happen to know a thing or two about match-ups for battles like the one you just described."

"He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!" the one in red, the one with the gruff voice grinned.

"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win a Death Battle," Wiz added. Suddenly, a bloodied set of letters spelling 'Death Battle' appeared above the two newcomers, and Mataras and Kirito could only watch with interest as they pulled up their menus to start playing videos and display numerous stats.

* * *

 **(Noragami O.S.T. Noratan)**

"Mataras, the Red Swordsman of Aincrad…" Wiz said dramatically. "In both of the two existing Red Swordsman fanfictions, he is well-known in the virtual world death game called Sword Art Online for a number of reasons."

"Mostly killing anyone he sees as a bad guy!" Boomstick interjected. "Seriously, he even admitted to losing track of his kill count. Said he had basically spilled an entire river's worth of blood!"

"True," Wiz nodded. "In the Toa of Aincrad chapter 24, Death's Face, he admitted to killing so many people that it was like 'a river of crimson tears'. He also is well-known for using threats to get what he wants, usually followed by him carrying them out, regardless of whether or not he got the information he wants."

"Sounds like kind of a dick to me," Boomstick commented.

"Many would agree," Wiz nodded. "However, he does see himself as justified, and in a way, some could argue that he did what was necessary to get jobs done that others were too afraid to take of themselves. He also maintains a record of never killing anyone that did not commit a crime according to the laws of society."

"So basically, he was trying to clean up society's mess?" Boomstick asked. "He must be a pretty messed-up guy to even think about trying something like that."

"Indeed, he has been noted by people that are close to him to be very mentally unstable," Wiz informed his partner. "This is primarily due to the fact that he lost not only his mother and father at a very young age, but he was also forced to witness his younger sister's death, something he blames himself for. The result was that he became an incredibly bitter, hateful individual who will lash out at anyone who brings up the subject of his family without his permission."

"Man, it doesn't sound like this guy has any redeeming qualities," Boomstick said with a shake of his head. "He's just a rage monster with a messed up head."

"Not quite," Wiz countered. "Although he is generally regarded with hate by the general public, those that are close to him have described him as intensely loyal and a cunning fighter, in spite of his near-blinding rage. If anything, his anger seems to make him even sharper in a fight, helping him to focus on the matter at hand, instead of lashing out blindly."

"Doesn't he also practice some kind of kung-fu type thingie?" Boomstick asked.

"Yes and no," Wiz replied. "Mataras uses a form of Karate known as Shorin-Ryu that originates from Okinawa, Japan. It is noted for being incredibly direct and brutal when used in combat, often leaving most opposing combatants incapacitated after one or two hits due to blunt-force trauma."

"Wait, you mean he doesn't use pressure points?" Boomstick asked.

"No, he does not. It's seen as a waste of time by Mataras, who has stated that in the time it takes to locate a pressure point to exploit and then use a precise enough strike could instead be used to punch his enemies three times over."

"Oh yeah, that's right, he's a pretty fast guy, isn't he?" Boomstick realized as he looked at some the stats in front of him.

"Yes indeed," Wiz agreed. "He has been shown to invest his accumulated experience points in his speed and dexterity stats more often that his strength or HP stats, though those last two were still pretty respectable by Aincrad's standards. The stat that he almost neglected entirely, however, was his defense stat, which he almost never invested in.

"But that didn't matter, cos his friggin' health stat was so high above most people, it wouldn't matter if they could hit him!" Boomstick exclaimed.

"This is shown in the third chapter, Dragon Masters, where both he and Kirito are so high in their levels that a group of seven standard-level players tried to attack them both, but to basically no effect, because their health stats regenerated too fast for their enemies to keep up," Wiz explained.

"And to top off all of his ridiculous combat skills and rage mode abilities, the skinny bastard had one of ten unique skills in the virtual world!"

"Right again, Boomstick," Wiz nodded. "Dragon Blood is arguably one of the best skills seen in SAO, as it allows the user to break completely free of the system's otherwise restrictive skill system."

"Apparently in Aincrad, your hits wouldn't do jack squat if you didn't use some sword skills, which while makin' your weapon look pretty damn awesome, made it pretty easy for other players to predict what you were gonna do next," Boomstick said. "But not the Red Swordsman!"

"Instead of losing attack power because he did not use a normal set of sword skills, Mataras' play style was known to be very unpredictable because no matter what he did, he could maintain standard DPS without the skill system's assistance. This meant that he would not be forced to through a series of predictable movements that a skilled opponent could read in advance. This was one of several reasons why he was so successful at engaging both mobs and players in combat- neither group could ever really guess at what he was going to do next."

"Any drawbacks on this thing?" Boomstick asked his friend. "Cos it sounds like he's pretty much friggin' unstoppable."

"As a matter of fact, there are," Wiz nodded. "While his attack stat and reflexes were far superior to most players in the game, he himself admitted that there were drawbacks to not only his play style, but his unique skill as well.

"First and foremost, his attack stat was not as high as Kirito's, though this was mostly due to the Black Swordsman's own unique skill, Dual Wielding. Also, Mataras noted that Asuna's attack speed was far superior to his own, even going so far as to say that her rapier could barely be seen when utilizing a sword skill. And lastly, his defense abilities were sorely lacking, as noted earlier. Even Sachi, his 'adopted' little sister, has been noted to be capable of taking a harder hit than him, despite her lower level. Again, this is mostly due to how Mataras invested his points into his stats."

"Also, he said at one point or another that his Dragon Blood did not allow for critical hits," Boomstick added. "Man, has this guy never played Pokémon before?! You need them critical hits!"

"Not necessarily," Wiz countered. "While it is true that he himself could not inflict a critical hit with a sword skill, mobs are shown to have several weak points on their bodies in the game. Normally these areas would be difficult to strike directly once a sword skill had started, especially if it was a chain attack, but this did not apply to Mataras, as he could change the angle and direction his strikes at any time."

"Well this is great an' all, but why does this have anything to with the Toa and Slayer aspects of this fight?!" Boomstick demanded.

"Good question, I was about to get to that," Wiz replied. "The thing is about the two different incarnations of the Red Swordsman, is that they are identical in personalities and base skills. This means that while there will be many differences between them, the fact that they both used Dragon Blood in the first half of their stories means that they were both equally prepared to fight in a new environment without sword skills. But now with that out of the way, now we can move on to the differences between the two fighters."

"All right!" Boomstick exclaimed happily.

* * *

 **(Gravity Hurts Instrumental)**

Known as the Toa of Aincrad in the first rendition of Sword Art Online, Mataras chose to become a Toa of Fire in order to seek out his lost family," Wiz began. "Thanks to his transferred stats from SAO, he was immensely powerful in both his melee and elemental control skills."

"Not to mention, he was able to use all the money he had gathered from his time in the death game to get ahold of some pretty sweet gear!" Boomstick added. "He got ahold of jets that let him fly without a mask power, a big claw, a bigger sword, a dart gun that could basically paralyze anyone that it hits, and a friggin' shoulder-mounted rocket launcher! He's a walking weapon!"

"Right you are, Boomstick, and that's not the end of it," Wiz added. "He has several mask powers that add to his already considerable abilities. Among them are masks of strength, levitation, dexterity, and a mask of shielding capable of projecting an energy field capable of withstanding some pretty intense blasts, both element based and weapon inflicted."

"Not to mention the fact that he has a mask that lets him basically tear holes in the fabric of space to create a portal big enough to shove a Kanohi Dragon all the way across a city!"

"For those of you unfamiliar with how large the Kanohi Dragon is, we can take a look at Bionicle Legends Four: Dark Destiny," Wiz explained. "In it, we are told that the Kanohi dragon was at least half the size of the Great Furnace of Ta-Metru, which was only superseded in size by the Coliseum at the center of the island. While we don't have an exact measurement of the Furnace, we do know that the Coliseum was about a kio- or a kilometer- in height. That's 3280.84 feet tall."

"And you're sayin' that the dragon was that big?!" Boomstick asked. "Damn! How'd they ever contain that thing?"

"It took four Toa of Ice to subdue the monster in the original story, but we'll get to that part later," Wiz said. "For now, we're focusing on the monster's size. Now, according to Vakama, the building stood about half the height of the Coliseum, which is 1640.41 feet tall- still an impressive size. And the dragon, as described by the Piraka Vezok, was more than half the size of the building, barely able to fit in long enough to absorb the flames it needed to survive."

"So how big was this reptile?" Boomstick inquired.

"If we put it at about three-quarters the height of the Furnace, which is our best guess since we don't have any exact measurements, we would put the Kanohi dragon at just over 1230 feet long, still an impressive length for anyone's standards," Wiz summarized. "That's not even taking into account its wingspan for width."

"I think get the point!" Boomstick shouted. "It's a huge flying reptile that breathes fire!"

"The point is, Mataras had a mask so strong and the mental discipline to use it that even a monster of that size was unable to escape his power," Wiz said patiently. "The Olmak also has a bonus effect in the sense that even if the user is knocked out, the portal will continue to remain until something or someone passes through it. The only way to negate this is to remove the mask from the user, as Mataras did when he defeated Toa Eugene. And that wasn't even his ace card."

"That's right folks, he gets even more OP!" Boomstick grinned.

"Mataras managed to get ahold of the Kanohi Vahi, the mask of time, one of the three masks that could control a fundamental force in the universe," Wiz said. "With it, he could slow down, stop time, or do the opposite and speed it up around a target of his choosing. This included himself, as demonstrated when he managed to defeat all of the Sleeping Knights, save for their leader, in the span of a single second."

"Some might argue that he could have beat her at that time too, but he himself denies the fact, cos it takes too much concentration to last that long," Boomstick said. "Huh. Guess he does have a limit after all."

"Mataras himself is heard describing the effort that it takes to use a legendary mask of power, as seen during both his fight against the Sleeping Knights and the Kanohi Dragon," the blue-themed player said. "In fact, it seems that the larger area that he tries to affect, the more it tires him out and restricts his movement, unless he wants to risk losing control of the power. This essentially rendered him unable to move when he used it on the Kanohi Dragon."

"Now for the weapons part!" Boomstick said happily.

"Toa Mataras has a massive sword in the likeness of solidified flames that he often channels his elemental power through, and has been noted as incredibly sharp, slicing through boulders with impunity, and even cutting through Toa Nuva armor which has been known for its adaptability and resilience," Wiz said. "He also uses a claw-like gauntlet on his left hand that has been seen smashing a full-sized Po-Koro sculpture to fragments just before it crushed him. While it is true that he used his Pakari, or mask of strength while doing so, this still speaks volumes of the gauntlets' resilience."

"Wait just a minute- how much did this sculpture weigh?" Boomstick wondered aloud.

"Good question," his partner replied. "Assuming that it was made of solid protodermis, basically an equivalent to sandstone in the world of the Bionicle in the desert region of Mata Nui. Sandstone weighs about one-hundred and fifty pounds per cubic foot, and the standard Po-Koro sculpture has been guesstimated to be anywhere from fifty to one hundred feet tall. For argument's sake, we'll be measuring in the middle to see just how much he basically disintegrated- without using any fire."

"So we take one-fifty and multiply it by seventy-five…"

"And we get eleven thousand, two hundred and fifty pounds," Wiz said.

"Holy cow!" Wiz said with wide eyes. "That's almost how much my ex-wife weighs! Think I can Mataras to punch her for me?"

"…Moving on," Wiz said. "We noted earlier that Mataras also has shoulder-mounted weapons, the first of which is a nyrah ghost blaster."

"Basically what it does is shoot a giant dart made of energy and locks the target up with chains made of light," Boomstick said, sounding bored. "The fun one is his cordak revolver!"

"Cordak' means 'desolation' in the Matoran language, and it's easy to see why," said the other evaluator. "The missiles are limited in ammunition, but they are incredibly potent if used correctly. They have been seen causing major damage to other players and the environment around Mataras whenever he uses them. One shot was enough to force back Eugene, one of the strongest players in the game, who was also a Toa of Fire, which makes him resilient to flames in the first place. He also one-shot a Toa that he blasted from point-blank in the face with one of his missiles."

"Damn, in the face?!" Boomstick laughed. "That's brutal!"

"Not really surprising, considering what we covered during our analysis of his personality," Wiz shrugged. "He also has lightweight armor that allows for greater mobility and helps with his aerodynamics when he flies. That being said, he was still shown to be slower than Death Kanoka despite being a mainly speed-and-dexterity player with a secondary investment of his strength stat, so it is somewhat safe to say that while he is still fast, he is not quite as fast as he used to be.

"All of that aside, he still has his greatest weapon- his power over the element of fire."

"And boy does he use it!" Boomstick grinned. "This guy knows how to make some fireworks! Wonder if he'll agree to come over to my house for a barbeque and fireworks on the Fourth of July?"

"Not… really relevant buddy," Wiz sighed.

"Can't I dream a little?"

"Not while we're on the clock," Wiz reminded him. "Later."

"Fine…"

"Now, in regards to Mataras' elemental power, he is shown to be _insanely_ powerful, even to the point of killing Eugene, thought to be the most powerful Toa of Fire in the game, with his control over flames," Wiz said. "Mataras was also shown to be precise enough with his fire counter elemental blasts that came from various long-range weapons, including a lightning-laced ice bolt from Sinon's crossbow. He also went on to the point of destroying the Kanohi Dragon by absorbing heat from all of Ta-Metru with a fire so hot, it surpassed its ability to absorb the energy and just its head off."

"So he can control fire that's not his?" Boomstick asked.

"Yes, but this takes more concentration on his part than it does to just create his own fire," Wiz explained. "Also, if he absorbs too much fire, he runs the risk of inadvertently unleashing a Toa Nova blast if he does not discharge the excess fire in time, which would release all of the power in his body at once, and simultaneously kill him."

"How powerful is a Nova blast, just out of curiosity?" Boomstick grunted.

"The power likely correlates to the individual Toa and how much power they have their disposal at the time of the explosion," Wiz surmised. "Even so, it _is_ a very powerful move, and Recon, who had used a considerable amount of elemental power before self-destructing with the technique, was able to instantly kill five shadow Toa with his power over air and destroy several columns in Makuta's lair."

"You mean that whiny little guy that's always hanging around Kirito's cousin?" Boomstick asked.

"Yup," Wiz smirked.

* * *

 **(Fairy Tail Tartaros Theme)**

"The Slayer of Aincrad, also known as the Fire Dragon Slayer of Inner Magic online, Mataras is every bit as ferocious and skilled in this form as he is in Toa armor," Wiz said. "Like his Toa form, his base stats come from SAO, making him a natural powerhouse. But unlike his Toa form, in which his elemental power is not directly affected by his mood, though it may push him to use his power in greater quantities- Mataras the Dragon Slayer's power _actually_ increases the angrier he becomes."

"What?! Him being pissed makes even more of a powerhouse?!" Boomstick exclaimed in surprise. "What kinda bullcrap reasoning is that?!"

"It's a technique called the 'Flames of Emotion', and it is exclusive to the Fire Dragon wizard," Wiz explained. "Not to mention that whenever he is exposed to a flame that isn't created by him, he can basically eat it to regain his stamina and lost power."

"Well ain't that convenient," Boomstick said sarcastically.

"Not exactly," Wiz countered his friend. "The system in IMO is actually superior to SAO's in the sense that it is better at reading vitals than the NerveGear was. This includes reading heartrate, body temperature, and the amount of adrenaline running through the player's body. Basically, the system can tell when you're angry enough to reach a point that your magic power can actually increase with certain types of magic."

"And Mataras just _happens_ to have that power?" Boomstick said, still sounding doubtful. "The angriest guy in the game? Still not buyin' it."

"Well, it's not as though he's the only one with ways to increase his power," Wiz pointed out. "Kirito and Asuna are both shown using spells that enhance their magic and physical stats, so it's not as though the ability is exclusive to him."

"All right, fair enough," Boomstick admitted. "What else has this guy got?"

"Slayer Mataras has a wealth of different spells at his disposal, both melee and long-ranged, the strongest of which are the Dragon Slayer Secret Arts, which consume a prodigious amount of magic power, but pack enough of a punch to kill off second-generation Dragon Slayers, which are noted for the vast amounts of raw power that they possess. He is also shown to be even faster than his old Avatar in Aincrad, with his fire allowing him to propel his limbs even faster than normal," Wiz continued. "He is shown using his flames to run fast enough to keep up with a pair of flying exceeds, which were apparently flying at mach speed."

"Wait, so he was running at friggin' 767 miles an hour?!" Boomstick exclaimed. "How did he not crash into something?!"

"Admittedly, he ran in a straight line, and was not swerving to avoid hitting obstacles, and he was lucky not to trip over anything," Wiz conceded. "Still, his speed _is_ impressive in it of itself."

"Yeah, but since when could Dragon Slayers keep up with Sonic the Hedgehog?!" Boomstick demanded.

"As I said before, he was running straight, and he likely would not have a chance to use this ability in battle, unlike a certain hedgehog we know," Wiz said to placate his friend. "However, the fact he was not only able to reach that speed, but also sustain it long enough to reach a meeting several miles away speaks volumes of his power."

"But as we have said before…" Boomstick grinned. "Power levels are bull _sh%t!_ "

"Not really the main point here, but Boom here is right," Wiz nodded. "Trying to compare exactly how much power is available to either version of Mataras is basically impossible, not to mention pointless."

"So how do we know when they'll run out of gas?" Boomstick asked.

"We'll get to that later," Wiz waved the matter aside. "Point is, the Dragon Slayer incarnation has a massive amount of energy at his disposal, just like his Toa version. However, it's very clear that this version of Mataras is much faster than the Bionicle one. But another similarity between him and his other self is that he can, in fact, fly. He only does it once, just before his death while using a Dragon Slayer Secret Art, but he has displayed the ability nonetheless."

"What's this guy got on defense?" Boomstick asked.

"Nothing much to say there, unfortunately," Wiz said. "Mataras wears a set of red-and-black clothing that further increases his fire magic, but offers nothing in the way of defense, forcing him to mostly dodge opponent's attacks instead of being able to take them head-on without receiving major damage."

"So wait, how'd he survive that fight against Laxus?" Boomstick asked.

"Another valid question," Wiz agreed. "Since his main stats were based off of his earnings in SAO, he has a ridiculous amount of HP as compared to most other players in the game. So even though he didn't invest in the stat much, his natural growth in level stacked up his health points to a ridiculous range anyways."

"Sounds like hacks and a cop-out to me," Boomstick muttered.

"Congratulations!" Mataras muttered sourly. "You get a cookie."

"Hey! No outsiders allowed!" Boomstick shouted as he shoved Mataras off-screen.

"Sorry about that, folks…" Wiz sighed. "In any case, this version of Mataras has a couple more tricks up his sleeves that puts him on par with his Toa counterpart's mask abilities."

"He's got another mode that lets him use both shadows and fire at the same time!" Boomstick grinned. "The Shadow Flame Dragon!"

"Indeed," Wiz agreed again. "This mode is incredibly powerful, allowing him to essentially pull off feats that others might consider impossible otherwise, since the mode itself was not even thought of before he first utilized it by absorbing Kirito's shadow dragon power. Despite it being almost a polar opposite to his own power, he was able to force himself to combine it with Fire Magic. This mode grants a high degree of adaptability, allowing him to merge with shadows around him and move undetected. It also increases the power behind his attacks, both melee and magical. However, it does have a serious drawback."

"Wait, he has a drawback?" Boomstick said, surprised. "I thought his power did nothing but increase all the time!"

"Not true," Wiz shook his head. "The Shadow Flame Dragon Mode requires a great amount of magic power to use, so much so that a full-powered breath attack left him with a condition called magic-deficiency syndrome that basically rendered him unconscious, and he was only revived after being fed a considerable amount of fire from other mages. It's kind of like Mataras' version of the kaioken in the sense that the more he uses it, the more power he has at his disposal, but the more of a toll it takes on his body.

"Still, it was enough to defeat one of the game's top three bosses, Jellal, a user of Heavenly Body magic," Wiz finished. "The cost may be high, but it packs quite the punch."

"But wait, there's more!" Boomstick shouted.

"That's right, the Shadow Flame Dragon isn't even his strongest ability," Wiz nodded. "His strongest form is known as the Dragon Force. It helped him to defeat Achnologia, the strongest boss in the whole game, alongside Kirito, who also had to use the power to stay on par with the final boss."

"Achnologia is basically the king of all dragons because he is so overpowered, no one could stand against him!" Boomstick commented. "So wait, does that make Mataras and Kirito the king of the dragons now?"

"Not really important," Wiz pointed out. "The Dragon Force allows the user to use the same attacks as before, only about three times stronger while using the same amount of magic as before. Before someone starts complaining about this mode being overpowered, I will point out that this mode also has some serious flaws."

"Such as…?"

"In most cases, the Dragon Force cannot be activated at will, and it requires massive amounts of magic power to be activated," Wiz explained. "But once they reach that level, they can retain all of the power that they have thus far accumulated.

"The other drawback is that it puts a constant drain on the user's magic power, not including whatever energy they have to put into their spells, and thus, it can only be used temporarily. There are a couple of exceptions to this, such as when Kirito and Asuna implanted lachrymas in their bodies to fuel the power of the Dragon Force, but Mataras has never displayed this ability."

"Dang, and for a second there, I thought we were gonna call this his Super Saiyan mode," Boomstick grumbled.

"It's not entirely unlike a Super Saiyan, but yes, it's not the same," Wiz said.

"So… Like a Dragon Saiyan, then?" Boomstick asked hopefully.

"Sorry Boom, but no," Wiz shook his head. "No Dragon Ball Z around here."

"Damn," he said, downcast.

"But now it's time for the talking to stop," Wiz said with a grin. "It's time to see just which version of Mataras is truly more powerful. And to avoid confusion, we'll just be calling them 'Toa' and 'Slayer' for this narrative."

"It's time…" Boomstick said he took in a deep breath. "For a _DEATH BATTLLLLLLLE!_ "

* * *

"Now… where is that Eternal Flame Leafa mentioned?" Slayer muttered to himself as he strode through a densely wooded forest. "I don't see how an eternal flame could exist out here without burning down the forest." He was a quest in IMO to see if he could obtain a rare fire that could amplify his magic power.

Nonetheless, he kept walking, curious to see where the trail led to. He walked for about ten more minutes before he came out into an open field of grass and flowers that spanned about a mile in diameter. Looking around, he could see that the creators must have put a lot of effort into designing this area, due to the sheer amount of color and detail put into each flower. "Amazing…"

It was only a moment before his ears pricked at a strange sound that echoed behind him, almost like a cross between a guitar's deepest chord and a stirring breeze. He turned around to see what looked like a black hole, infinite in its darkness, yet he felt no gravitational pull from it.

"Somehow I doubt that this is part of the quest," he muttered.

His suspicion was somewhat confirmed as a tall figure dressed in sleek red-and-silver armor stepped out of the void, the portal closing behind him without a sound. The figure wore a mask that hid his face, a strange cover that looked like it was designed for cutting through the wind.

"Who are you?" Slayer demanded.

"I am called the Toa of Aincrad, the Red Swordsman," the armored being replied. "Who asks?"

" _I_ am the Red Swordsman, the Slayer of Aincrad," Slayer snapped angrily. "I conquered Aincrad in death, and I brought my family back together in life. Who are you to claim my title?!"

"You are an imposter, for it is I who destroyed Aincrad in the past!" the armored Toa snarled back. He drew a massive sword from his back that looked to be made of solidified fire as he added, "And I don't deal kindly with people that lie."

"The feeling is mutual," Slayer growled, his temper already burning. "So let us settle this, faker, as it should be settled."

"I'm just waiting on you," Toa said confidently. "Come at me, imposter."

That was the last straw for Slayer. " _Fire Dragon ROAR!_ " Fire gushed from his mouth, aimed to incinerate the Toa that was desecrating his name.

Toa snorted contemptuously and batted the fire away with his sword as though it were no more than an annoyance. "Is that all you have?" he taunted. "Let me show you some real fire." Leaping forward with startling speed that was enhanced by jets on his legs, he swung his blade at Slayer's neck while it traced a path of flames in its wake.

Slayer ducked under the blow and reversed his body to kick at Toa as he shouted, " _Fire Dragon TALON!_ " The blow connected solidly, sending Toa back a few feet, though he maintained his balance on his jets.

"That's better," he snorted. "I actually felt that."

"Please, that was just a love tap," Slayer grinned fiercely as he straightened. "You haven't seen anything yet."

"Neither have you," Toa said as a device suddenly popped up on his shoulder.

"What the- _GAH!_ " Slayer's words were cut off as he was sent reeling from a missile that struck him in the chest. Looking up, he could see that his health was already down by about a third, which boded poorly for him.

"All right…" he growled at Toa, who was walking towards him slowly, without any hurry, completely at ease in Slayer's presence. "Want to play rough? Let's see how you handle _this_ speed!" Flames erupted from his body, scorching the grass and flowers around him even as he got to his feet.

"Wasting power by trying to show off?" Toa chuckled. "Idiot." Whatever he was about to say next was cut short as Slayer's fist connected solidly with his mask, sending him flying at high speed. He activated his Kanohi Calix and used its power to transform the uncontrolled flight into a reverse tumble so that he could get to his feet and look at his opponent, who was in a solid fighting stance. "Okay, that's not right," he muttered. His armor should have prevented most fire damage, not to mention his natural resistance to heat and flame as a Toa of Fire.

"Ready to take this seriously?" he challenged Toa.

"Hah!" the armored warrior snorted. "You think that you just gained the upper hand? I haven't even begun to toy with you, Dragon Slayer."

"I think it's time you stopped talking and started showing me," Slayer taunted. "Unless all that fire you talk about is just hot air?"

"Fine, you want fire, you stupid pest?!" Toa roared. "I'll show you fire!" Aiming his sword at Slayer, he unleashed a river of fire hot enough to pierce a Knowledge Tower in Ko-Metru. The flames bathed Slayer, hiding him from view, and Toa smiled darkly. "Looks like he couldn't take the heat," he chuckled.

 _Shrrrrrrrrrp…_ A strange sound echoed from the flames, causing Toa to do a double-take on the sight of the burning earth. _Is it just me, or is that fire… drawing in on itself?!_ He wondered with widened eyes. Then, as if to taunt him, Slayer's form began to appear in the inferno, and it seemed as though he was standing in the middle of the blaze itself.

"What the hell is this?!" Toa demanded. The last of the flames finally vanished- into Slayer's mouth?!

"Ah…" Slayer said as he wiped his mouth. "Thanks for the meal. That was some of the best-tasting fire I've had in a long time."

"You… ate. The fire," Toa said blankly.

"Yup," Slayer smirked. "Quite the power boost- let me show you." He suddenly darted forward with great speed as he roared, " _Fire Dragon IRON FIST!_ " The flames in his hand exploded as he struck Toa in the chest, shoving him back a few yards. " _Fire Dragon ROAR!_ " he shouted, his breath attack already following his enemy.

However, Toa was more prepared this time. His mask flared with red light, and a red dome of energy sprang to life, completely blocking the flames and allowing him a moment's respite. _This Dragon Slayer is definitely more than just talk_ , he thought. _But he's still way out of his league._

"Hiding like a coward, are we?!" Slayer mocked. "Just like a faker to retreat when he's faced with the real thing."

"There's a difference between running away and taking a moment to think- it can make all the difference, you know," Toa replied as he leaped forward on his jets, the energy field disappearing as he did so. He activated his Kanohi mask of levitation to grant him more precise control over his flight pattern.

" _Fire Dragon WING ATTACK!_ " Slayer sent forth arcs of fire, but Toa either dodged them or countered them with his sword and elemental power.

"Take _this!_ " Toa shouted as he slammed his clawed gauntlet into Slayer's stomach, leaving deep red marks and sending Slayer in the dirt. As he lay there, stunned, Toa spat at him and said, "If you really were the Red Swordsman, you'd know that Victoria would be ashamed to have such a despicable brother."

 **(Vegeta's Super Saiyan Theme)**

Slayer froze in place as he started to get up on one knee. "What did you say…?" he asked in a low voice.

"My sister could never share blood with such a gutless worm like you," Toa said with narrowed eyes. "Is that so difficult to understand?"

"How _dare_ you…" Slayer growled as he got to his feet, eyes still downcast. When they finally rose to meet Toa's they were blazing silver as he roared, " _That's my SISTER!_ " His flames began to burn on his body again, though his red clothing was in no way damaged. " _You BASTARD!_ " This was his Flame of Emotion, and it burned ferociously indeed.

" _Take THIS!_ " He shot forward, an explosion of fire in his wake that propelled him forward even faster than before. " _Dragon Slayer Secret Art!_ " he screamed at the top of his lungs even as Toa prepared to counter with his own fist, his eyes narrowing as he kept an eye on Slayer's right fist, his favored one. " _Crimson Lotus FIST!_ " Then Toa was completely overwhelmed as Slayer pounded him faster than he could keep track of with both fists, forcing him back step after step, barely able to maintain his balance. To his shock, he began to see dents and cracks forming in his armor from the intensity of the blows.

 _Time to change gears_ , he thought as Slayer drew back for one final blow. Shooting back and upwards with his jets once again, he took aim with his nyrah ghost blaster and let loose once the targeting system was done locking on. A black dart that fizzled with energy sped towards Slayer, who glared up at the bolt with all the malevolence in his soul.

Letting out a wordless roar, he sent a blast of fire to meet the projectile head-on. So it was only natural that he be surprised when the dart phased right through the fire and struck him in the chest. He immediately found himself bound with chains of energy that even his fire couldn't burn through.

Toa landed on top of him, his armored foot smashing into his chest and causing major damage, this time draining Slayer's health by more than half, though not quite into the yellow zone. "I'm ending this now, you filth," Toa said as he raised his sword in preparation to impale Slayer and finish the duel.

"Change form," Slayer responded, his red hair suddenly changing to a black shade that matched Death Kanoka's armor color, save for three red stripes. His eyes also stopped glowing silver, instead becoming a bright red that was disturbing to look at, even as his body became wrapped in shadows that gave off an intense heat, even for Toa. " _Shadow Flame Dragon Mode._ "

He suddenly vanished into the ground, and the energy chains faded out of existence since they had nothing to bind. "What now?!" Toa growled as he blasted the spot where his enemy had been into ash. "Is he…?"

"Fool," Slayer's voice echoed from behind him, but when Toa whirled around and swung his blade to cut his enemy in half, there was no one there. "Down here."

"Huh?" Toa wondered as he looked down and saw nothing but his own shadow. However, it seemed a little longer than he remembered, which meant- "Wait…"

 _Crack!_ Slayer shot out of the ground, burning shadows in his palm as he struck Toa's Kanohi Hau, breaking the tool into dozens of pieces. Toa cursed as he felt a replacement mask settle on his face automatically, the golden and fierce-looking Olmak.

Slayer wasn't done, either. In a deeper, calmer voice that seemed to echo itself, he growled, " _Shadow Flame Dragon Crushing Fang._ " His hand turned into a claw-like appendage that was emanating black fire just before he lashed out with a palm technique that Toa barely managed to block with his gauntlet. The shadows from the blow wrapped their way around his arm and began to squeeze tightly, even as Toa shoved his opponent away.

"What is this?!" he demanded as he saw his armor beginning to warp from the vicious pressure of the darkness, not to mention his arm's movement was being severely restricted.

"From the shadows you were born, and to the shadows you will return, forced into endless slumber," Slayer growled as he gathered flames in his right hand. "Now… With flames in my right hand, and the shadows in my left…" Darkness flooded across his opposite arm, and his eyes glowed even brighter as he smiled viciously. " _Shadow Flame Dragon_ Vortex Flare." He thrust his hands forward simultaneously, combing the magics and blasting his enemy with dark flames that instantly enveloped him and swallowed him in their shadow.

Once the fires had begun to settle, he let out a long, shaky breath and allowed his shadowy fire to fade away, reverting his appearance to that of his usual self. "That took more power than I expected," he muttered as he forced himself to stand up straight. "But no imposter could- _Ack!_ " He looked down in shock to see a huge flaming sword sticking out of his chest.

"Don't turn your back on a player from Aincrad until you're sure that their health points have run completely dry," the dark voice of Toa said from behind him. He yanked out the sword and kicked Slayer in the back, sending him sprawling in the dirt. "And don't turn your back on the Red Swordsman until his shattered fragments have been scattered beyond the wind."

"How…?" Slayer grunted, almost completely drained of magic power now.

"With a moment's thought, I can move to any spot in reality I choose," Toa snorted. "I wear the Mask of Dimensional Gates, and no place is closed to me."

"How about the gates of hell?" Slayer grunted as he rolled forward, out of the range of his enemy's sword. He got to his feet, flames dancing across his arms. "Let's see if my fire can take you there without your fancy mask?"

"You're welcome to try," Toa laughed as he pointed his sword at his enemy. His golden mask glowed, and a black gate appeared behind Slayer. "But I doubt you'll be sending anyone to hell once I've locked you away in the Shadow Zone with the Zivon." His rocket launcher suddenly popped up and blasted at Slayer, whose eyes widened as he was about to be struck by the mini-missile.

In desperation, he punched the projectile with lightning-fast reflexes that caused an explosion that sent him teetering at the edge of the portal, clothes and body smoking badly. His health was only a shred of scarlet in the corner of his vision. And Toa already had a river of fire on the way to finish the job.

"Gotcha," Slayer smirked. He took a solid stance one pace in front of the portal and began to inhale the power that Toa was casting at him, feeling his health and magic stamina returning to him rapidly. "You fool!" he laughed.

"You're the fool!" Toa laughed back. When Slayer looked confused even as he continued to eat the potent flames, Toa explained, "You misjudged two things- the first is the portal behind you!" Slayer looked back to see that somehow, the black void had drawn closer to him, only inches away from enveloping him now.

Seeing that Slayer was getting the picture, Toa added, "And the fire that I've given you will easily surpass your limits, and cause you to explode from the raw amount of energy contained in it! One way or another, you're doomed!"

"Wait, _that's_ your plan?!" Slayer snorted as he kept absorbing the fire. "Trying to make me explode by overfeeding me?"

"Nice try, but I know you'll be hitting your limit now," Toa said as he shut off the river of fire. He activated his legs jets and began to fly upwards as he scowled, "You'll be going nova any moment now, so I'd best make myself scarce- _some_ one destroyed my mask of shielding, so now I need to be a safe distance away."

"No distance is safe from me," Slayer said under his breath as he smirked. Then, he finished absorbing the last of the fire and felt his skin begin to harden on his face, forearms, and legs. _Not when I have the Dragon Force_ , he added silently. Smoke emanated from his clothes as he gritted his teeth, his canines sharpening rapidly and his eyes becoming snake-like in appearance.

"Hey, Toa!" he shouted to get his adversary's attention.

"What?!" the other swordsman snapped as he looked back. The next thing he knew, he was being kneed in the gut, his armor cracking badly from the force of the blow. The strike in it of itself wasn't was surprised him, it was the fact that Slayer was able to do it at all- he should have exploded from trying contain that much elemental power!

Down below, the portal to the void remained, forgotten as the battle began to take them away from it. True to Toa's word, it did not disappear,bbut it moved to slow to catch up with the Dragon Slayer now.

" _Fire Dragon GRIP STRIKE!_ " Slayer roared as he grabbed Toa's armored shoulders and unleashed a booming explosion that sent him hurtling towards the earth at high speed. Toa was only able to avoid crashing into the ground by triggering his mask of levitation at the last second to negate the force of his fall.

"This power…" Toa growled. "How?! You should be dead from the amount of fire I fed you! How are you stronger than ever?!"

"I don't know how things work where you come from, faker," Slayer snarled as he dove down like a blazing comet. "But in this world, anyone knows not to feed a dragon its element! _Fire Dragon…_ "

"Enough!" Toa shouted, his mask glowing brightly. A wave of golden energy flew from the kanohi to wrap around Slayer, slowing his movements to a crawl. "This ends now," the red-armored warrior growled. Shaking with the effort it took to hold his enemy suspended in time, he aimed his cordak revolver at his doppelganger and let loose a shot that stopped as soon as it entered the time field. He did so three more times before his cartridge was empty, and he was too tired to maintain the temporal field any longer.

As soon as he let go of the mask's power, the golden field dissipated and the missiles collided with Slayer almost instantaneously, enveloping him in a cloud of smoke. "And that's that," Toa said as he began to inspect the damage done to his armor."

" _Dragon Slayer…_ " a voice said from the dispersing smoke.

"…No…" Toa said as he looked up to see Slayer still wreathed in flames, hardly looking like he had been scratched.

" _Secret Art…_ "

"No no no…" Toa growled as he pointed his sword up at his enemy.

" _Crimson Lotus PHOENIX SWORD!_ " White-hot flames showered to the earth as Slayer shot downward just as Toa unleashed another river of fire, this one dwarfing all the one's that had come before it in terms of power and brilliance.

"No no no _nononononononononononono- CRAAAAAAAP!_ " Toa cried out as Slayer burst through the flood of fire and slammed into him, incinerating the earth around them to less than ash.

It took a while, but out of the ruined crater stepped out one figure, battered and bruised, dressed in red. "Toa of Aincrad indeed," Slayer snorted.

* * *

"And it's _over!_ " Boomstick grinned.

"Wait, _what?!_ " Kirito shouted. "The Toa incarnation lost?!"

"I had a feeling," Mataras shrugged.

"Why?!" Kirito could not seem to comprehend the fact that the Toa of Aincrad had lost to the Dragon Slayer.

"Both versions of Mataras _are_ incredibly powerful," Wiz explained. "So much so that it's just about impossible to determine any clear limits for either of them. So what do we measure instead?"

"Their recovery rate!" Boomstick shouted.

"We're standing right here…" Mataras muttered. "No need to shout."

"Let him have it, he's excited," Wiz said easily. "Now, we know that both of them have control over fire and are capable of producing as well as absorbing it, but only one of them can do it almost instantaneously in addition to having it restore their health and stamina. Also, both versions were operating under the assumption that their powers would affect the other the same way it did them."

Boomstick blinked once before he asked, "Uh… What?"

"Well, Toa Mataras knew that if someone absorbed too much of an element, it would cause them to explode," Wiz answered. "So he kept trying to overload Slayer Mataras' ability to handle the fire. He did not understand that it could only make his opponent stronger, and not weaken him in any way."

"And why couldn't he just stab the other guy?" Boomstick asked. "You know? With the friggin' sword?!"

"Slayer Mataras very quickly showed his superior speed, something that Toa Mataras would have noted almost immediately," Wiz replied. "He would have figured that keeping his opponent at a distance would have been the best way to deal with him. And if nothing else, Mataras has proven time and time again that he knows how to analyze a fight and exploit it."

"So then why is he the one in little pieces?" Boomstick wondered.

"Because they're both me," Mataras smirked. "Isn't that right, Wiz?"

"True," the blue player nodded. "Slayer Mataras also possesses the same cunning, and a far superior speed to his alternate self. One could argue that Toa Mataras' base elemental energy actually outranks the Dragon Slayer version, since we never _actually_ saw the Toa of Aincrad hit his limit when he used his elemental abilities."

"But boy did pissing off the Dragon Slayer backfire!" Boomstick laughed. "See what I did there? Back _fire_?"

"Yeah, we got it…" Wiz sighed. "In any case, Boomstick is right. While Slayer Mataras' powers may not have matched his counterpart's to begin with, the Flames of Emotion amplified his already-considerable power and speed. And while both incarnations have been shown to taunt their enemies, Toa Mataras displayed that part of his attitude more often, which explains why he was the one to to anger the other one first."

"In terms of defense, Toa Mataras had some pretty sick-looking armor, but it seemed to do jack-squat to block the fire of the dragon!" Boomstick shouted.

"Well, sort of," Wiz countered. "See, Toa of Fire are naturally resistant to fire, basically cutting down any damage fire from an enemy might do to them in half. The armor helps a bit with that of course, but in the long run, Toa Mataras' element of choice played more the part in his defense against his opponent's magic."

"So the solution was to punch the living daylights out of the Toa?" Boomstick snorted.

"Basically," Wiz nodded. "While Toa Mataras _did_ have superior defense, that _really_ isn't saying much, since the Red Swordsman of Aincrad had very little of that to begin with. Since both incarnations come from that base form, that weakness transfers with it."

"And since Slayer Mataras basically had a spicy buffet handed to him, his power didn't really have any danger of running out while he was fighting the metal man," Boomstick added. "But that _still_ doesn't answer why punching him worked!"

"Well, he wasn't just punching him with his bare fists," Wiz protested. "His blows were enhanced by his magic, which have been shown to break through full structures made of metal and stone in his adventures in Fiore, especially exhibited during the S-Class trial of Fairy Tail. So the fact that he was able to break through armor _specifically_ designed for maximizing flight capabilities shouldn't really surprise anyone."

"Okay, but what about the fact that Toa Mataras can rip holes in space and control time?!" Boomstick demanded. "How do you beat that?!"

"Toa Mataras basically beat himself by using those masks, if you think about it," Wiz replied. "They take a lot of concentration and time to use properly, and they are incredibly taking on the person that uses them. Mataras even said as much while fighting Toa Eugene right before taking the mask from him."

"So he basically should have seen this coming," Boomstick laughed.

"Well, he _did_ use those masks to defeat Makuta and the Kanohi Dragon," Wiz said. "But still, those opponents were larger and slower than him- something that Toa Mataras has grown used to. He didn't take into account just how much faster his enemy would get as the battle went on. Still, to his credit, it did take the Dragon Force to beat him."

"But the winner is clear- and it's the Slayer of Aincrad!" Boomstick roared. "Case closed, people! The Toa just couldn't seem to take the heat."

Wiz nodded and said, "The match between the two blood-red anti-heroes is over. We hope that this battle satisfied your curiosity, and we'll be sure to see you around."

After they were gone, Kirito turned to Mataras and said, "I still think your Toa self should have won."

"Hey, if you want to fight my Dragon Slayer form as a Toa of Shadow, be my guest," Mataras replied stiffly.

"Next time oooon Death Battle!" Boomstick called out.

* * *

 **Mataras: Haha, no. No more Death Battle. At least, not between those two- in both versions, it's pretty clear that Mataras can defeat Kirito. I'm not saying that it's an easy fight, but it has been exhibited multiple times. And for the record, no, that was not the actual Wiz and Boomstick. Death Battle is owned by them alone, and this was simply for recreational purposes, not for profit.**

 **Kirito: Okay man, we get it, your copyrights are covered. Can we get on with what's happening next?**

 **Mataras: Ah, yes! My bad. As I'm sure many of you reading this will know, I've been working on the Red Swordsman: Shattered Fragment for some time now. I want to announce a couple of minor changes, and a release date.  
First on the changes is that while Philia _will_ still be appearing, she will not be the love interest of the Red Swordsman. Instead, it will be an OC not seen or mentioned before in any of my fanfictions, so this will a fun and fresh new pairing for everyone to enjoy!  
Second is that while the story _will_ follow the canon of the video game series, I don't know if I will use ALO for the Lost Song arc. Sorry, but to be blunt, I'm not a fan of ALO as a game. If I do make another crossover out of that arc, I will be posting it as a separate story so that Shattered Fragment can remain in the SAO section.**

 **Kirito: And the one that everyone is waiting for...**

 **Mataras: The first chapter of Shattered Fragment will be live... on Thanksgiving Day, November 24! I am thankful for many things, and my fans and friends on this site are a big part of that! So in appreciation of the day where we gather to celebrate with family and friends, I want us all to gather and celebrate the start of a new adventure!**

 **Until next time, Red Swordsman out!**


	3. The Toa of Aincrad Abridged: Part One

**A/N: Been a while since I exercised my funny bone, so hopefully this gets a few laughs out of you guys. If you didn't read the Red Swordsman: Toa of Aincrad, go read that first, or else this is going to be a whole lot of nonsense to you.**

 **Enjoy, and please be sure to leave a review!**

* * *

The Toa of Aincrad Abridged- Part One

"Wake up, there's a ragout rabbit on your head!" Michael shouted at Kazuto, who remained trapped in slumber with his NerveGear still on his head in a hospital. "Darn, I was hoping that would work this time…"

* * *

After making his way over to Asuna's hospital, he found that she too, remained asleep, despite gaining his freedom from SAO. "Wake up!" he shouted. "Kirito and I want sandwiches!" The sleeping girl did nothing but continue to sleep, much to the disappointment of Michael. "Blast, I thought that might make her mad enough to wake up…"

"Are we in at a bad time?" Asuna's father asked as he and a younger man walked in.

"No, sorry about that," Michael apologized. "I just worry about her."

"I do too," her father sighed.

"Since we all worry about her, why don't we hurry along with the wedding plans?" the young man asked eagerly.

"Sure, might as well," Mr. Yuuki shrugged. "It's not like she utterly despises you, Sugou. I'm sure that when she wakes up, she'll be very happy to see you waiting for her." And then he left to go make preparations.

"I know that you and Asuna were close comrades," Sugou said as he turned back to Michael, who had a very stoic expression on his face. "So I imagine that our engagement will come as a huge disappointment to you."

"Oh no," Michael shook his head. "You just made my year."

"Come again?"

"I haven't gotten to kill any bad guys since SAO ended," he smiled wolfishly. "And I think that I may be getting rusty without practice- you'll be good as a test subject, I think."

"You wouldn't," Sugou said, paling slightly.

In response, Michael grabbed him by the throat and threw him against the wall. "I'll be sure to send an RSVP for the wedding, signed in your blood," he smiled as he walked out. "Later."

* * *

"Okay, now how do I wake up Kirito and Asuna before I need to kill that guy…?" Michael mused. "I really want to, but I don't think Asuna and Kirito would like it very much if I did…" An email notification popped up on his desktop, and he clicked it curiously. His interest was doubled when he saw that it was from Agil. His interest became a compulsion when he saw a picture of Asuna and Kirito in a game.

"You have got to be _kidding me!_ "

* * *

"Have you heard of this new game?" Agil asked as Michael and Sayuri sat down at his bar. "Element Six Online?"

"Looks stupid," Michael replied as he looked the game over.

"It might be fun, but what about Asuna and Kirito?" Sayuri asked.

"They might be in there," Andrew answered.

"Well, if we _have_ to go in, I- Holy crap, you can spam fire blasts in this game?!" Michael exclaimed, suddenly standing up straight. "I am _on_ this!"

"Wait, what's your strategy to rescue Asuna and Kirito?" Andrew asked.

"Easy, kill everyone in my path until someone talks," Michael said causally.

"Michael!" Sayuri said disapprovingly.

"What?" he asked innocently. "There's a tournament coming up, and I think it would do me some good!"

"That, and the winner gets to go on a quest that might lead you to the other Cats," Andrew added.

"And I get to kill things?" Michael asked hopefully.

"You're a terrible person sometimes," Sayuri sighed.

"And really good at what I do," Michael smirked.

* * *

"You sure you wanna go back into a VR?" Suguha asked.

"Try and stop me," Michael grinned.

"Well, if I can't stop you, I'll help you," the girl insisted.

"How can you help us?" Sayuri asked.

"I play video games now," Suguha replied. "Specifically, ESO."

"Elder Scrolls Online?" Sayuri asked.

"No, Element Six Online," Suguha frowned. "Elder Scrolls is for crazy Nordic nerds."

"Bawlin', let's do this," Michael said as he raced up to set up the game.

* * *

"Welcome to Element Six Online," a friendly computer voice said as Michael waited to set his avatar. "Would you like to-"

"Skip to the part where I get to kill stuff!" he demanded.

"Skipping," the system replied.

* * *

Mataras found himself in the middle of a swamp, dressed in some basic red armor with a fiery sword, and with nothing to kill within the immediate vicinity. "Son of a-! That stupid setup guide put me in the most boring place in the stupid game!" Mataras shouted angrily. "What do I kill now?!"

"Maybe you should try going somewhere else," a red Av-Matoran said flatly.

"Oh yeah?!" Mataras shot back. "Maybe I should start with you!" Then he paused. "Wait, who are you? Why are you here?"

"Long story short, I'm Litrosh, I used to be your dragon, Kayaba converted my code so that I could go with you, and now I'm here," he said quickly. "Also, Yui is in your inventory."

"Did you go through my stuff?" Mataras demanded.

"Please," Litrosh sniffed. "I go through everybody's stuff."

"Hi, Uncle!" Yui said happily as she popped out of his inventory, this time taking on the form of a blue Av-Matoran.

" _NO!_ " Mataras screamed as he ran away into the jungle.

"Is he still doing that?" Yui wondered.

"Apparently," Litrosh sighed. "Come on. We'd better make sure he doesn't blow up half the forest."

* * *

Mataras found himself staring down three red-armored players, all of them pointing weapons at three female players, and he couldn't help but smile. "This is going to be a very fun game, I can already tell," he said happily.

"What are you-" Mataras blasted them all into pieces before the leader could finish talking.

"Ah… that's much better," he said as he turned to face the girls he had rescued. "Anyone else wanna fight me?"

"Brother, you're liking this a little too much," said one in blue armor.

"Oh, hey Sachi," he said with a small wave.

"Aunt Sachi!" Yui called out as she ran up to hug the blue-armored Toa.

"Hey there!" the older girl said as she hugged her niece back. "Did your uncle leave you behind?"

"Uh-huh, it was kinda funny," Yui giggled.

"I am not funny!" Mataras protested.

"Yeah, I'll second that," said another of the players, this one dressed in white armor.

"Say that to my face!" Mataras growled as he stared her down.

"I'll say it to your ass after I've kicked it into the dirt!" she shot back.

"You wanna go?!" Mataras shouted. "I'm not afraid to hit a girl!"

"Wanna see me hit like a girl?" she challenged as she pulled up a crossbow and aimed it at his head.

"Sinon, play nice!" said the last player, a girl in green armor. "Mataras, I'm Leafa, Kazuto's sister. Since I assume you remember who I am, I'll ask that you please be nice to my friend here."

Mataras clicked on who she was, but of course it didn't matter. "Nice to meet you, Leafa. Now if you'll excuse me, the big kids are talking."

"Tell me he's going to fight in the tournament," Sinon growled.

"He is," Sachi nodded.

"Guess I can hold off on killing him until then," the sniper shrugged.

"Not me!" Mataras exclaimed, right before Sachi slapped him across the mask.

"Behave!" she ordered.

"Yes ma'am…" he said sheepishly.

* * *

"Give me the things," Mataras said to the shopkeeper.

"No," he shook his head.

"Give me the things," Mataras repeated.

"Get out of my shop," the other Toa replied.

"Leafa?" Mataras said, low on patience.

"Please make all of our lives bearable and give him the things," Leafa sighed.

"Or what, he'll get mad?" her friend chuckled.

"Oh no, I don't get mad," Mataras smiled charmingly. Then he grabbed the shopkeeper by the mask and growled, "I have fire to do that for me."

The trader blinked once before saying, "I'll get the things."

* * *

"Okay, all armed and licensed to kill," Mataras said as he finished equipping his new armor. "This game actually has some good weapons in it."

"You practically bought an armory!" Leafa said as he checked his missile launcher, dart launcher, massive sword, giant claw, and flight equipment. "Why do you need that much stuff?!"

"You know what they say about guys compensating…" Sinon smirked.

"You know what they say about girls that-"

"Bro," Sachi said as she put a hand over his mouth. "Lemme do you a solid and remind you that all of your current teammates are, in fact, girls. So before you say anything that you think is cute, stop, think about what you're going to say, and then don't say it."

"You never used to be this gutsy," he complained. "My job was easier in SAO."

"Guess I spent too much time around you," she replied with a sweet smile.

* * *

"Hi!" said a thin Toa of Earth as the gang regathered after registering for the tournament. "I'm not important in any way! None whatsoever…."

"Cool story, bro," Mataras said as he shouldered past the boy.

"Sheesh, what jerk," Sinon muttered. "He's so uptight- if you put a coal up his butt, it'd come back in a week as a diamond!"

"Nah, I'd give it two days," Sachi said flatly.

"I'll eat my swords if it's not out by the end of the night," Litrosh added.

"Why are you all friends with him?!" Sinon asked. "You don't seem to like him that much."

"He found me on a mountain and gave a home," Litrosh shrugged.

"He saved my life and took me under his wing for the last couple of years," Sachi replied. "He gave me a new family,"

"He helped save my Mama and Papa bunches of times!" Yui said with a cute smile.

"He lives at my house right now, and he's my comatose brother's best friend, so I don't really have a choice," Leafa shrugged.

"So he's really not that bad?" Sinon asked while her friend pouted and muttered something under his breath. "All of that anger and snarky attitude is just a façade?"

"No, he really is a total prick, but we love him anyways," Sachi smiled.

"Well, someone has to," Leafa rolled her eyes.

"You sure you don't tolerate him cos you don't have a thing for him?" Litrosh asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not relevant in this version!" Leafa cried, red-faced.

* * *

"Okay, who's the target?" Mataras asked as he spawned in the mini-map with Litrosh on his back.

"That guy," Litrosh said as he pointed at a sturdy-looking Toa of Stone.

"Ima kill him!" Mataras laughed as he unleashed fire, missiles, and sword attacks at the surprised player.

* * *

"So, was that what you were hoping for?" Litrosh asked as they re-appeared back in the waiting area.

"No… He was boring," Mataras sighed.

"Anyone tell you that you might have a problem?" Litrosh rolled his eyes.

"All the time, why?" Mataras asked innocently. "Wait, hold that thought, I'm thirsty." And he went to go get a drink.

"Are you… Thirsty… for blood…?" a deep, scratchy voice asked. "Red Swordsman…"

Mataras eyed the newcomer that had appeared behind him, taking in the massive build, the unbridled confidence, and the ominous aura that the dark Toa exuded. "And Sinon said that I was compensating," he muttered.

The figure growled and turned around, flashing him the mark of Laughing Coffin as he said, "I am Death Kanoka… And I'll kill you…"

"Not if I kill you first," the black-haired boy grinned evilly. "Hehe… So Laughing Coffin is here… I'm all fired up now!"

"Wrong version again!" Leafa shouted. "Get your storylines right!"

"Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, writey-typey stuff!" Mataras shouted back. "This is a parody, what do I care?!"

* * *

"This next guy can't be defeated," Leafa's boyfriend, the shopkeeper, insisted.

"If I had a penny for every time someone told me that…" Mataras rolled his eyes. "You know what? Just to prove you wrong, Litrosh can go with Leafa for the next round. I can do this on my own."

"I am?" Litrosh asked.

"He is?" Leafa asked.

"Bye!" the Red Swordsman said as he vanished in a burst of light.

* * *

"By the glory that is my legendary mask…" the hulking, red-and-gold Toa said dramatically as he spread out his arms in a grand gesture, "I banish thee to-"

"Hey look, I got me a thing," Mataras said as he ripped the glowing golden mask off of his enemy and put it on his face. "Shiny."

"I will rip you in half and feed you to my dogs!" the angered warrior shouted as he back fisted Mataras into a mountain. "Give me the thing!"

"Hacks mode: _on!_ " Mataras shouted before transforming into a giant dragon.

"What the-?!" Eugene gasped. "How the hell did Shenron get in here?!"

"Gee-gee-no-ree," Mataras shrugged. Then he incinerated his enemy, exclaiming, " _Fire Dragon Roar_!"

* * *

"And now it's on to round five to fight Sinon," Mataras said as he cracked his knuckles.

"Wait, what happened to the other two rounds?" Sachi asked.

"What about 'em?"

* * *

Sinon lined Mataras' head in her crosshairs before smiling and whispering, "Sayonara, flame-for-brains." She let loose a lightning-laced ice bolt that Mataras slapped aside with his hand. "…Okay, that's just not fair!" she complained.

"Oh right, like I haven't earned these stats!" Mataras called up.

"No one earns stats like that!" she shouted back. "You're just a cheater!"

" _Beater_ , get it right!" he tossed back.

"Stop it," she growled.

"No," he smiled.

"Stop it," she repeated a little more sharply.

"Nope!" he replied with a shake of his head.

" _Stop it!_ " she half-screamed.

"Make me!"

"Fine, I'm stopping it myself!" she shouted as she started climbing down from her vantage point. When she ran up to him, she slapped him as hard as she could, only to find that it didn't really affect him.

"Really?" he scoffed. "A lightning-powered ice blast from one of the strongest bows in the game can't scratch me, and you think a slap is going to hurt me?"

"No, it just feels satisfying," she glowered at him. "Now fight me for real!"

"Okay," he shrugged.

"I said- ack!" She suddenly found herself being held by the small of her back with a very large fire sword pressed against her throat. "How…?"

"Maybe I'll tell you some other time," he smirked. "You're kind of cute when you're mad, you know."

"Buh…?" she gaped, eyes wide.

"The audience has declared that this match is boring, so we'll just call it a draw and you can both go to the tournament," the announcer declared. "Have fun being canon fodder for the other angry players!"

Mataras was immediately enraged. "Did you just call me-?!"

* * *

"So… Sinon," Sayuri said while Michael was walking her home.

"What about her?" he asked nonchalantly.

"You like her, don't you?" she teased him.

"Nah, she's not my type," he shook his head.

"Really?" Sayuri asked with a cocked head. "Gloomy, always focused, and highly skilled at killing from a distance? I'd have thought she was everything you wanted in a girl."

"Well when you put it like that…" he said slowly.

"Yeah?" she grinned.

"No!" he said firmly. "You make her sound sick! And me, by extension!"

"Says the one that talks about 'spilling a river of crimson tears," she retorted. "What is that, a pickup line?"

"No!" he declared. "This conversation is over!"

* * *

"Tournament, begin!"

* * *

"Hey there," said one of two female Toa as they tried to get close to Mataras. "What do you say-?"

"I say 'die," Mataras said before he incinerated both of them. "Boring…"

"Hi," Sinon said as she popped up behind him and shot at his head. "Bye."

"Huh," Mataras shrugged as the blast disappeared inside of a portal that opened up to shoot the ice into the face of a very large Toa of Stone. " _Finally_ , something not boring."

"Me, or him?" Sinon asked as she eyed the behemoth of a player, who readied his scythe for use.

"Yes," Mataras nodded.

"So what're you going to do now?" she asked as she trained her crossbow on him.

"Ima kill him," Mataras smiled.

"I am Dragon Song, true owner of the mask you wear," the hulking brown figure said. "Return it to me, and I'll let you live."

"Which one?" Mataras asked.

"The shiny one," Dragon Song replied.

"No dice," Mataras shook his head. "I need for a plot device later in the story… You understand, don't you?"

"Yes, but I still want that mask," he said flatly. "Give it to me."

"No," Mataras shook his head.

"Give it here, or die," Dragon Song warned.

"Ooh, is that an ultimatum?" Mataras grinned. "I love ultimatums." Turning to Sinon, he said, "Here's an ultimatum- either die to him, or die to me."

Sinon looked back and forth between the two of them for a moment before she shot Dragon Song square in the face. "I'll kill you later," she muttered to the Red Swordsman, who had lit up his sword.

"No, I don't think so," he shook his head as he struck down the Toa of Stone. "You're welcome to try right here and now, but you'll lose."

"Why?"

"Blatant favoritism of the author, that's why," he smirked.

"Aren't you the author?" she asked.

"Not right now, I'm not," he said with a slight frown. "Honestly, haven't you been paying attention?"

* * *

"Why did I decide to help you?" Sinon asked as they walked through the jungle that bordered a beach.

"It wasn't so much you deciding to help as me telling you to if you wanted another shot at my mask," Mataras smirked.

"I hate you," she growled.

"Now you're speaking my language," he chuckled. "Let's put that hatred to use, shall we? Tell me what you know about Death Kanoka."

"Why, did he hurt your feelings?" Sinon replied.

"He killed a lot of people," Mataras said bluntly. "Now stop being cute and start being helpful."

"Rrgh…" the sniper growled.

"Oh look, there he is," Mataras said as he pointed down the beach at two fighting Toa.

"Which one do I shoot?" Sinon asked begrudgingly.

"The black one," the Red Swordsman replied.

"I feel like there was a race joke in that, but we don't have time for that brand of nonsense," Sinon muttered under her breath.

"Hey, if people want race jokes, they can go see Something Witty Entertainment's Abridged parody of SAO," Mataras said nonchalantly. "Here in the Red Swordsman sagas, we try to keep things a little cleaner."

"What was that about compensation jokes earlier, then?" Sinon pointed out as she took aim.

"I said a little cleaner," Mataras smirked. "Not a lot. By the way, Death Kanoka is about to kill the white guy."

"Again…?" Sinon rolled her eyes as her target made the shape of a cross with his fingers before taking aim. "Whatever- this guy's going down." She fired, only to miss. "What the-?! I never miss!"

"Oh crap," Mataras frowned as Death Kanoka shot his adversary with his black disk. "It's just like I feared…"

"What's wrong?" Sinon asked.

"There's only one explanation for how your shot couldn't hit him," Mataras said seriously.

"What? Is he an illusion?" she asked him.

"No, it's much worse than that," Mataras shook his head negatively. "He has… Plot armor."

"The hell does that mean?!" his partner shouted at him.

"Means I'm the only one that can kill him now," Mataras grinned. "Or at the very least, I have to be directly involved."

"Didn't you die or something the last time you tried to help kill the main bad guy?" Sinon asked.

"Shh…" Mataras put a finger to his lips. "We don't talk about that yet."

Sinon stared at him for a moment before asking flatly, "Are you coming on to me?"

"Maybe," he shrugged.

* * *

"Okay, he's in the hole with another guy," Sinon said as she looked at the network of tunnels that ran under the map. "Might be kind of a tight fit in there…"

"Uh, Sino-"

"Yeah, yeah, realized it the moment I said it," she muttered before they started walking in.

* * *

"Gotcha!" Sinon grinned as she shot at Death Kanoka's back, right before it passed through empty space. "Uh…?"

"Got any last words?" a growling voice asked as she lay on the ground after being paralyzed by a zamor sphere.

"How and why and please don't kill me!" she whimpered.

"Sorry, but I'm on a tight schedule," Death Kanoka growled.

"Yoink!" Mataras sped around a corner, bowled over the black Toa and spammed him with fire and missiles. "Okay, let's go!"

"I can't move."

"Guess you can pick up girls in a dungeon," Mataras shrugged as he picked her up and jumped through a portal. "Come on sunshine."

"Did you just call me sunshine?!"

"You said snow angel was off-limits."

* * *

 **Kirito: _Mataras...!_**

 **Mataras: Yes?**

 **Asuna: _Cliffhanger?! On a parody?!_**

 **Mataras: Oh come on! That doesn't count, the people already know how it ends!**

 **Sinon: Okay, smarty-pants. When's the next part come out?**

 **Mataras: When I feel like it!**


End file.
